Black Titanium

2011-02-06T17:35:00.002+08:00

hello dusty Blackspidertitanium..

Has been ages, since i update u blackspidertitanium, haven have the time to sit and type.. but today I'm gonna sit relax and type and express all to you.. blackspidertitanium..

Today is 6 Feb 2011, it has been 2 months plus coming to 3 months since I surrender myself to Home Team Academy... So far so good. it has its up and down.. both physically and emotionally.

Let Me explain my daily life there..

0500hrs: Wakey Wakey
0540hrs: Get Ready for Water Parade
0630hrs: Fall In for Flag Raising
0705hrs: Flag Raising End
0705hrs: Physical Training
0825hrs: End PT and for Breakfast
0835hrs: End Breakfast and back to bunk
0900hrs: Lesson Starts
1200hrs: Lesson Ends and for Lunch
1220hrs: Back to Bunk
1330hrs: Physical Training
1730hrs: Dinner.
2040hrs: Water Parade
2130hrs: Lights out!

Awesome right.. hahaha, its pretty fun. Soon Lesson will be longer, Pt will be much longer coz PO camp is coming.. need to prepare physically..

BUT BUT i hate when the rest go for driving lesson, coz they will be back after lights out arnd 1130pm.., from 530pm till lights off, im bored. that's when i feel down, emo, ngong.. thats when i make myself a hot coffee, sit outside and stare at the phone..wanting to call ppl but I just couldn't press CALL!! It happens every single night.. i just couldn't press CALL.. I donno know why... i mean i know why, but I'm reluctant to acknowledge it.
Now i know why NS men are so paranoid over their GFs/ Partners when they are Serving. (hmm smile) It takes one to know how it feels like.

I shall not continue.. its painful.

God, protect My Family and Friends.

Blackspidertitanium

2010-11-22T02:36:00.002+08:00

hello blogg

Im worried/scared/sad/paranoid/afraid/etc

Im worried about my mum, when Im booking in.. will she have someone she can talk too.

Im scared this new environment

Im sad leaving my sports behind, my schedule, my friends, my hamster... all behind

Im paranoid not having to visualise things to have my self confidence in doing and believing it.

Im afraid im not that mentally strong...

I know what i want.. but the adjustment is just too fast..Im strong.. but i dont feel strong if i dont see my family.. thats my secret..I dont feel strong if i dont see my dad face.hear my mum voice. look at the mess my brother make. because all this while im there to make things works. i dont feel strong, not texting my best friend.. shared info , opinion, she part of my life.. And now i need to be strong for myself, for my career. it might be 6 months.. but my daily life has been surrounded by them. I will have new experience there and later.. but i dont wanna miss what happen at home and thier updates. i will keep wondering.. who did my mum eat dinner with.. do they know how to change the tv cable, Is my Cik okay, how's her day... huuu. it makes my tear up now.. haizzz

I need to prepare myself..mentally leaving the house and hope all goes right.. Do my very best in HTA. be a productive person . motivated person. and always searching for fun and exciting thingss

Ya Allah aku berserah keatas mu.. engkau lebih mengetahui segala aturan dunia

Lindungilah dan berkati seluruh keluarga ku dah kawan kawan ku..

Jauh kan keluarga dari segala selulitkan dunia dan akhirat

Jaga lah ibuku, berilah dia kekuatan supaya tidak terasa sunyi dan lemah..

Kuatkan iman dan hatiku atas segala yg berlaku.. yg akan aku hadapi..

Amin

i feel slightly better typing it out..

I will feel fine after fully accepting things. and get hang of it...

2010-10-18T14:00:00.001+08:00

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Don't let

2010-09-20T14:39:00.001+08:00

Don't let the world deceive u.
Don't let their words betray you. Don't let their lies deceive u.
Let them do their worst
(@MiMiBeltzak)

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wonders

2010-09-16T05:05:00.001+08:00

its 4.30 am. I'm still not snoring... I donno why. my mind still keep running, processing, evaluating.. not that I have a lot in my mind right now..

I don't demand you sitting beside me eating dinner...
I see myself sitting beside you sharing dinner...
I don't demand you standing beside me waiting for the results...
I see myself standing beside you sharing the glory...
I don't demand you sitting beside me in the passenger seat.
I see myself sitting beside you and driving you arnd.

what I see, is The Thing that I'm willing to go the extra mile. The Thing that I strongly believe. The Thing not everybody can give.
The Thing is, I profess my Commitment towards you.. Be honest to yourself and then to me..

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2010-09-15T20:25:00.001+08:00

To know yourself... is to think about yourself.

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2010-05-22T00:55:00.004+08:00

hey spidey..

has been ages since i update this black blog

Is LIFE that beautiful??

Somehow i doubt the famous ending line

( live happily ever after)

Or maybe i dont even believe in IT!

What i believe in might not compell with yours.

Your hidden expectation might not be the same as mine...

Im not including sexuality in any issue about life...

What i want right now is simple.. to be a truthful, sincere and sensible HUMAN BEING!

If i cant be a Human Being, im not ready to be or to put - another status in my life.

be functional

Black

2010-04-30T00:04:00.005+08:00

hey spidey...

Questions and Answers:

Am i standing tall, with my heart and soul? .....or.... with imprecise agenda?
My Speech to you is to be honest with you, ?.... or.....is to impress you ?
My Stare to you, is a eternity blessing ?..... or...... a stare of hatred?
My Ear is to understand you?.....or.... was to judge you?
You, is for me to let me ease off?... or for me to ease withh?

Firstly: Its not about the SECOND party ...... Secondly: Its all ab FIRST.....

Ateeq broke my heart... but im still treating as a joke... coz its hard for me to have ? closuree..

2010-04-12T22:53:00.003+08:00

hey spidey.....
Update time ppl....
Good news firstt; today my lady's 1st day attachment in my warddd! Happy? Ofcoz, atleast i have someone to talk to.... I lied to her, today my off day.. But you know what she knows me better then myself.. So she knows im lyingg.. apelah mimi.... Nvm derrr..Hope she dont change ward!!

Not soo good news; ppl keep asking ' hey whats wrong with ur prcp, till now prcp, what happen? 'Wahh as if i fail my prcp and now my replacement.. Wahh wahh.. for the record I didn't fail i was on mc! Its not that i wanna prove it alot. But i keep myself in high spirits doing prcp alone after 4 months MC, then somebody asking that kinda of negative questions. Emo you know.. hahahaha im kidding.. So far all are going smoothly.. Thanks to Almighty. I'm on my 8th week.. btw i miss Ma'am Nadia..; hahahaha

I have heard, seen, experienced enough.. for me to eliminate unnecessary emotional trauma..... i just wanna be functional.

the lady, is now the minah

black.

2010-04-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

hey spidey

Im on the bed now.. I keep thinking im in am shift. but im actually in pm shfit.. Sot kan... Btw today my melayu ah.. I eat traditional malay food. Pecel lelehh at some warong at jb sedappp.. Learn some malay from the lady.. Today i makcik malayy.. Hahahahhah

I cant stop thinking. I dont want things to be bad.. But its verging.. Life is a challenge. Life is a text. Life is a realisation. Life is a bicthing. Life is like dragging the black plastic gabage bag.. you keep draging to kill time.. But when gabage pop out. ita a good way or neither. Its just base on to perceptions.
Be functionall...

2010-03-29T00:04:00.003+08:00

hey spidey....

Im guilty, in alot of things in life...

Now I dont want to be judgemental..

I was emotionally crushed abt life before...

Now never wanna trigger myself into it again..

Im was fooled with my own decision..

Now im being carefree and open in alot off things/words..

Im was stubborn..

Now im still sturbborn,

Due to the judges i made.. Due to the heartbroken moments i had..

Due to much self blaming i blamed.

Now i just wanna be

Functional.

Black want be to functional...

I take what i was given.. i love back my love ones..

2010-03-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

hey spidey..

I feel like blogging.. so here we go..

Just got back from dinner @ lagoon with the lady! Has been ages since i when there.. we had Chicken Satay and BBQ Chicken. I donno how, Lady's worthless money can be use to pay satay.. haha, is just becoz she got to pay the satayy.. which she shldnt pay for anything, thats the rule!! hahaha. After lagoon, drove to MC. to buy my new Casio watch!! wooohhoo.. then simpang.
I learnt about my car tonight, i cant afford to blog.. it makes me look stupid. Sooo diam sudahh..
What a wonderful dayy..Tomorrow, back to nursing..

Im in my 5th week of my attachments. i felt like im ending the posting, but dream on.... not even close! but nevermind... still can tahan, still theres more to leant... now the ward like abit kecoh.. but i know i have doen nothing wrong or create any problem.. so im safe!

Ya, last friday was my 21st birthday. Thanks For the wishes. Sorry if i didnt text back saying thanks, coz im doing night shift, by the next day i totally in lala land on my bed. I got to sleep 5 hours on friday after shift, which i am so happy about. coz among the 3 nights shift, that was my longest sleep ever.. soo job well done. thats i got much of a sleep. hahha.
Turning 21 was the hardest, i believe. With the attachments, and unexpected news about my own family, is just to much to carry. On a second note.. im strong to face all these.
Will continue.....

No one can substitute who you are...
for that, i thank,
you for being there..
Black

2010-03-12T10:10:00.001+08:00

Hey spidey....
Today is Friday. Im eating oats and watching Ellen Degeneres. Today afternoon shift. Back to work ahhhhhhh. Yesterday was my Day Off! But that was yesterday.. No need to be that happy anymore. Like what syg say I always wants day offf. Like yah! Exhausted!
Btw yst spend the day with the lady. Went enuos to buy uniform, then we had dinner at simpang. Awesome food and awesome talking. For the record, I eat like pig. reach home did cardio like x 2. Hahaha

There shld be a moment where we put ourselves out in the map and decide which axis u wanna go??
self analysing and self perception = power of life .Have directions and navigate it well.

Okey da abes.

Black
10.2

Delay, delay delay

2010-03-12T09:27:00.001+08:00

Hey spidey
So fast it's Sunday !!!!!! Tomorrow working day. I'm at uncle place burukly lying down in the living room, hamster cage on my right. Putih and Hitam. They are very messy hamster, pemalas!
Later I think Im meeting the ngong ateeq. Then lepak at Simpang!

I don't like...
I don't like...

Hello pressure!!!

2010-03-04T11:14:00.002+08:00

>Hello spidey ..
Has been long since I blog. You know why???? PRCP That why
today is Thursday, I'm having aftenoon shift. I'm sitting at the sofa , all ready with uniform, watching oprah and blogging.
Just for the record, oprah is getting old. Of coz she is old but it's like she getting old rapidly these few months. Hahahah sorry oprah ! You still rock the whole world.

I starting to feel the pressure, not really stress but pressure. I have to step up to it! I will step up! Coz II'm a hero. Haha.
God let my 10 weeks more to be a good, exciting, full of adventure and not full of me dragging my legs to work. I may have fears,but let me overcome my fears with good adevnture or moments and not being shouted or criticized uncilivisely. Hahhah.
Okey I'm gg to work people!!

11-2

black

2010-02-18T22:10:00.003+08:00

hey spidey...

Im back from getaway for few days..

Getaway is always awesome.. the bitter thing is unpacking and doing laundary. Washing and folding... i dont like folding clothes..

Why, is the golden question in my mind right now.

Infact it the golden ticket to entering -leaving -accepting -denying – escaping- etc. We communicate/interact/see to our social network every day. Ask the question WHY do we? It might be whole lot of different answers. But the thing is: have we literally asked that exact question???

“Why do we say bye to our love ones every morning, before going to out” It’s a routine? (back paddle) When does the routine starts? Some people don’t have goodbye or believe in it. Why is it so significant to us”. Answer: Responsibility, Respect, Assurance, Expectations. All this are jargons, we certainly know the definition smartly. But sensibly we are blinded by that jargon. Which with one breath articulation it doesn’t mean anything, because the actions to it; was eradicated. Explore the word, eventually...eventually you explore Yourself. Why is izit my RESPONSIBILITY? Why i feel ASSURED? You might turn out to be so paranoid- negative. But weigh both sides. There no fi airness in terms of self belief. Coz we come from different dynamics and cultures. But what makes it a statement in you is how you believe in it and how you comport yourself. That’s yourself justification. It might repel from others. So what!! If you step up eloquently with your justification, people will accept it/alternative thinking. Civilize people I mean. To be Civilize in this area is difficult. Not many can. I can’t be totally. Because we are passionate in the answers of the question WHY??! Its kinda off endless debate. We might say something negatively back then, and now suddenly we conform to it. What makes it settled is : self justification.

black

2010-02-13T05:15:00.003+08:00

hey spidey,

As usual Siti Syamimi bte Dahari Kamal couldnt sleep..

In few hours i will on the road, Family vacation with My uncle family for few days! I got to spend time with my awesome monkey Cousins. Well, since the Family dispute with other family members, my family and Uncle's, stay truthful and mature about, its just the rest, who doesnt want closure. So yah! Im gonna relax and enjoy myself, Try to! Coz thsi fat ass gonna star prcp soon, real soon. And when prcp starts, theres no such Word as HOLIDAY! nope... So im gonna have fun.

This whole week i feel crap, I mean, after 7pm i feel crap. I felt that i sigh alot, and did anger management technique, the one that you hold ur breathe for 30 secs. Ya i did that alot. Coz ppl start coming back from work, they are tired or what so ever, and they start asking "Wonderful" questions that really irritates me.

People are just too complacent! They need to start reading! start understanding! ist not for me! its for yourself! i cant do everything, answer every questions. arggh. i cant expel that out, coz if i did, you guys gonna say im selfish and i have an attitude. I just let u guys learnt by urslef when time is right.. soonnn..

You dont like my style, and dont really like yours too. But i dont voice out, coz ur to negative. coz you always make it about you and not the situations.

Thats why i shut my mouth!

ARGGHH!

Black

2010-02-09T02:54:00.006+08:00

Hey spidey...

Im still not hugging... i donno why ( hmm..)

i wanna mark 8/2/09 as my awesome day

I got to meet my Hot lady this afteroon, after so long. we Talked, Shared, Laughed.

two words to explain it... LOVE IT!

( love you hot)

Met my coordinator.. Meeting goes well, pretty well in fact...

Assessed, Agreed, Smiley face

Two words to expain it... All SET!

I need to start changing my lifestyle.. my biological clock to be exact..

coz im going to start prcp soon.. Coz what im doing is totally opposite.. TOTALLY

Im sleeping in the day, awake in the night.. seee!!

YG! help alright! you my manager okeyyy...

Okey im going to off my comp, clear my desk, wash my limbs, kiss my 3 babies, off the lights, take out my blanket, lie on my bed and pray that i will be in lala land soon.

Blood, sweat, tears= how much willing to go, for you.

Black

!

2010-02-05T00:59:00.003+08:00

hey spidey..

what frustrate me now is..
saying " Ya, leave it there i will handle it. Dont worry, i will fix it;
i know thats the nicest pharses to hear. You hear that, your worries goes away. Well i have been saying that to ppl almost everyday.i like it, honestly. I do stuff, fix things. set up things, make calls all. im totally okey doing that. since i have nothing to do; Like gg to work! but it seems they are pampared,
Okey let see the difference; people helping you, and You demand things to be done and you classified it as a help.
"Hey can you help me settle this bills. Make calls and enquire"
" Eh why you never call them abt the bill, u know i have no time during the day"
See the difference?! Hello?!
We have to know how to phrase thing up man.. it does matter.
Im kinda of person, you can ask a favour, anything (legally), even if its the hardest or time consuming.. i will do it, if you just come to me, say it appropriately. i doont care if in monotonous tone. But dont put it in a way that i was irresponsible not doing what im 'suppose' to do.
Define the word HELP! & FAVOUR.
Im not complaining. its just the after feel. You know like after taste... I will continue doing it, but if everytime i do it and you still have that kinda of blamed or " i donno, You do it" comments. i have no heart to do it anymore. But becoz i have been doing, they thought its like a routine, " Ya, she will do it, nvm ask her to do it. When something gone wrong or forgotten, wahhhh i got the blamed the yakyakyakyak... what if i start my attachment and work? by then u panic? and what you start blabbingg!! So now im being cold a little. things that have to learnt and start doing it. Im sincere doing it, but i dont appreciate the unconvincing bad pharse comments.
Phrasing sentences is important... seriously..
`
Im out now.
`
i have the safety net. physically
i will never have the safety net. emotionally.
`
black

2010-01-31T01:25:00.002+08:00

hey spidey,

Titans training and makan at simpang... Nasi ayam goreng kunyit plus teh tarik.. simply awesome... My house is seriously becoming like cyber cafe. Agil is using desktop, mama is watching movie via laptop. Baba is using laptop for work and im using phone to surf wireless... Soo much of family dynamics and family day! Hahahah. Confirm at the end of month baba going to complaint abt electical bills. whose fault? His!
=
Im tired.... But this sturbborn eyes just dont want to close... Thats why im blabbing now.... Hope i can sleep soon if not some hot makcik will angry!!
=
I think i tore few more ligaments today :)
Black

i

2010-01-29T21:53:00.005+08:00

hey spidey
Uneducated Pregnant lady.

I just got back from dinner. While on the way back home, i saw this cute small girl running ( like tiny bulldozer) . I pause my step and look at her. Very happy kid, kepala botak, i think she abt 1 year old. Then came her family, daddy look like some loving but hardcore chinese guy and he was pushing a baby trolley, another kid in it. The MOTHER! she was pregnant and wake slowly behind her husband. with the face " Do you think i Care!" not just that, She is SMOKING!

Okey lets take few steps back, identify the keywords.

Pregnant. Smoking.

You are having another child in your worm, i believe its arnd 25 weeks old. You can still smoke!!

Hey mother, do you know what the side effect of smoking, I dont care the side effect that hits you, but what hits the BABY! But you think the mother care! the answer is HELL NO!! coz you have " Do you think i care" face I see alot of young Minah smoke while pregnant.

Okey let me put in simplest form, for you benefit!

You may have premature labour! Means you may in labour before 36 weeks ( full trimester) which can be risky. your life and teh baby's life. That poor unborn baby may have physical/organ deformities. systemic deformities and worst mental retardation. Means your baby is unhealthy and physically unnormal. Maybe you are not that educated!, to know all this! not that intelligent, Im not asking you to read my advance biology book or do search at some wikipedia, spare that effort.. i believe you have your stick supply every alternate days, i goddam sure that u have come across a cigarette box which has this advisement, that has fetus/ baby picture, which is totally red and deformed... Isnt that scare you enough! arghh i feel like slapping you.

Maybe you do not plan to have the baby, but please have some humanity for this innocent baby. Please... Totally. Im not questioning your habit, smoking. Adult have rights to smoke, but please please please not when you are pregnant. Try to stop smoking for that 9 months. You can eat anything, feed your cravings. Chocolates, Ice creams, Durian, Fried food. Anything, Atleast don't smoke. That thousand chemicals, will kill growing cells in your system. Arghh i dont wanna to type more. Sad. i hope that mother realise, what danger she is putting her and her baby in.

We believe we were freed from custom or traditional obligations. Didnt we realise that we were shadowed by our own stupidity. When we were to egoistic to admit, we frame it by saying..

This is my RIGHTS.

BullShit!

Black

2010-01-28T19:28:00.003+08:00

hey spidey,

Call Bell!!

My thumb starts to hurt back! I donno why, but maybe due to something i did.
Maybe?!!
It must be!! Degil!!

Atas is now entangle with comp cables. He wants to be a IT technician now. haiz atas atas...

2010-01-27T18:23:00.004+08:00

hey spidey

Serioss Relationship

The topic abt having relationship is kinda of hot topic for parents who have young adult child like me. like my MAMA!! Constantly asking to change and open up to guys. You might see relationship as norm, simple, loving, beneficial. It makes me speechless unable to answer. Coz all are truths and facts That's reality.. I don't deny. Relationship is a norm, where every responsible man will get married, settle down and have kids. I will call that Adult happiness, stage II.

Norm?! the definition of norms has change. Cheating is a Norm! Lying is Norm! Mistress is a Norm! So yeah.. it needs a deeper explanation and analysis. my point of view, relationship will come, when I am are up for it and being open and feels its time. Personally for me, i have doubts. With myself mostly. Facts to the face is, Do i trust myself? Woking on it! Am i satisfied with myself. Not fully! Alot of self modification need to be done. let me handle myself, then i handle another party eternally.Everybody have doubts. Doubting is a Norm also you see.. haha.. but aslong i dont discriminate any kind of relationship that i built. Most importantly, dont behave like bloodly tooot. you attached with someone, behind your ' love ones' you logged in facebook or Tagged searching for the next supply/one. Eye searching at malls or trying ur pick up lines to girls. or worst flirting with other guys.

And your self accusation, 1st: i need i better girl/ guys who understand me. 2nd : we dont have chemistry. 3rd: Its not you, its me. Idiot!! i have full house of male cousins, and have full house of female friends. I seen alot and i seen enough. Im no expert, but i know how girls behave and how guys behave. Some people may put it differently, but to me aslong it is call relationship, its serious. its my long term commitment. its my growth, its my gold and silver. Im not translating, im avoiding networking. maybe i have few frens. but im comfortable. like i say commitment!

Commitment to your understanding.

i feel like getting a bunny from T1. went there to pick up some supply for my hammies, there this white bunny with small black spot at its nose. Soo cute!! The face like MACAM PAHAM!!I like.. It jump up and down, so excited. I think for those who have active hammies or any small animal beside fishes will know what the face MACAM PAHAM looks like. hahhaha!

i have 3 hammies who are like full time gymnast, add another macam paham bunny?! hmmm.

LiLo, Cookie, Atas.~

Malaysia: Kepala babi, ditinggalkan di masjid bila solat subuh!

Why? Kenapa? Why? Kenapa? Sedih!

Allah lindungi umat Islam di Singapura. yg penuh dgn kehormatan kaum dan agama. Amin.

Black.

2010-01-19T21:25:00.003+08:00

Edited

I might make the biggest mistake of my life, ending my chapters.

I made that decision with full of hatred to myself and how unstatisfied i was.

I think thru it today, thats the best for the situation.

Honestly No pointing fingers to anybody, coz lame phrase said

" 1 finger pointing to other, 4 fingers pointing back at you"

I chose to risk it back then, and i think i risk enough. I played the final card,

Kabboom im getting back the full deck. Wrong move? I dont know. Mightbe.

It doesnt matter, coz i believe i make very impt ppl in my life a big favour,

by putting a full stop on it, atleast i gain something.

acting hero

Black

2010-01-18T14:41:00.005+08:00

hey spidey,

Every man is a volume if you know how to read him

-William Ellery-

The weekends were kinda of heavy. Heavy topic- Heavy Loads.. I just got to know my beloved Uncle has some marital problems. Its his 1st time coming up and talk to Wak's family. To hear and see him, i can tear up there at Wak's place. Not that im that gembeng type! but barrier of trust and sincerity was completely shut. Uncle is not hardcore practical man; like my Baba. oops. He those temperamental man, full of soul. He still loves her, the family....To accept this bullshit demands from the wife, is f****** bullshit! Yes i use the F word. C'mon you man been married to this man for 19 years. Dont you have any sense how long was it?!! 19 years with 2 kids!! then easily you ask for a divorce?! And you literally File for it? you know what he can and cant provide, and you ask this bloody request?? Hey c'mon, you are educated, you have very good career.. and this is the way you think??!! You can say im bias, listen to uncle side and not yours. By You FILING a divorce and and send the request list and have another man

I choose to be bias! goddamn right i choose to be bias!

You might be thinking why the hell am i too emotionally attached to this matter, it is not about some plain divorce like in the West, We are talking abt the family dynamic that you build 19 years ago, Husband and wife, bringing up the children. Im talking the impact of the kids whose suffering from this divorce trauma. Yeah this is your mid life crisis, everybody go thru it! If
divorce is the right way in your mind and heart for goddness sake have it in a good terms. Don't be too egocentric. This man in dilemma, im not saying his prefect, he had done some mistakes.. that's huge to you. i respect that. but unfortunately you shut on him, you shut the e love, e sincerity. Knowing that he still love you, you took that to advantage so that you can request more.Any practical man, will immediately shut on you too... but not your husband, he is still crying and begging to have his family back.

If you are reading...You are no more sincere to yourself to be a sincere wife of his, but he is.. i hope uncle can realise that and be sincere letting you go physically and emotionally. i know its hard.. but at least you came to good term to yourself and base on that sincerity let your wife go.. cause that's what she feels the right thing to do. be with another man and family.Physically you lost something, but to benefit from sincerity; its a 2 way street.

I will still respect you as my auntie, but not as much as i respect you before.. im sorry, coz you crushed my beliefs.

Whoever reading this or Even myself

Ask yourself, if you love (friend, bf, gf, wife, husband) with full heart :

Are you able to look at their face with sincerity even they have done something that crosses your line?

If you can.. ( true relationship) I respect you and don't mess up your relationship
If you cant.. if doesn't last long, please end it well.. nothing that you will regret. that's fate.
Black hold on 2 things sincerity and acceptance.

Black

2010-01-08T15:14:00.008+08:00

hey spidey..

Force myself to blog.. i have lots to write, but its so painful to type it out

Being EGOISTIC

Being STUBBORN

Keep telling to CARELESS abt it.

Somebody said " you have the heart,... You will gear up now!"

I say to myself.. " i do have the heart... i did gear up"

but it was the Brain who say.... throw it away, get out of the court and walk off"

It was my emotions " who wipe the invisible tears'

Its not abt realistically or not.. if u were in my shoe,

i bet you feel how handicapped i am...

Im not asking for pity.. or being a baby..

i do you know how much i wanna slap myself !! Beat myself up!!

let me feel the real pain,

so i can bloody hell convince my heart that i have to walk off for now..

Its not easy for you guys to understand.

im gg to put a berlin wall in between

black

Angelina Jolie - Salt - Official Trailer

2009-12-25T04:57:00.001+08:00

Like the Action
Like the Guns
Dont like the blonde hair..
hhahaha

2009-12-25T04:51:00.005+08:00

Another interrupted sleep....

since 2.30am i cant sleep back....

I cant wait for Movie SALT to show in cinema!!

Black

2009-12-23T04:08:00.004+08:00

Morning Spidey!

No mood to sleep!! i just clean the babies crib, and now not intending to hugg!

These few weeks, were kinda off rough for my family. We have been rushing to hosp and to uncle's place My Best Granny fell ill, Cardiac Failure and stomach ulcer. Due to long term consumption of ASPIRIN! So people with ASPIRIN make sure take with OMEPRAZOLE!

Now nenek pretty stable. Some smart ass, uneducated pretended "doctor" state nenek is better to be discharge, So yah.. we will see how smart they are...

Maal Hijrah has past... Happy New Year to the Muslims...

That night was, the hardest night... i was asked to go home, cant cont working due to my hand condition. had another LONG LONG MC.. that same night received call that Granny had another attack. I wish somebody had just shot a bullet straight to my heart..

I force myself to say, im prepared for anything to happen.

Force my heart to let it go.. how much I want it to happen, deep inside i know,

it wont happen! NOT in splint seconds.

I haven start prcp! Geron posting not done yet !

By Feb i dont start my PRCP.

i donno what to say to myself!

i cant play for IVP this year. Clearly!

how much this soul wants to play, but not able to...

But i shall one last chance... league.

by league season I'm not able to play.. my heart will be permanently crushed.

Take this as a sacrifice for the new year, help me god...

Thanks for my wonderful parent and brother

Almighty....

Ellen Degeneres Kicks Off Season Seven with SYTYCD

2009-12-16T21:28:00.001+08:00

Ellen my IDOL
She gg to be 52 yrs old 52!!!
She fit!
Strong!
Cool!
She look awesome!

2009-12-14T00:16:00.007+08:00

Falsafah version:

Walaupun hati ku keras, tetapi pintu ilmuku dan hatiku terbuka.

Hati mu keras, pintu hati mu beku, ilmu mu cetek.

Minah Version:

Lu pergi duduk one corner..malas nak dengar kau merepek ah.. Bingit ahh!!

MiMi version:

Kalau tak tahu diam!! Jgn buta tuli! Hati remuk dengar orang cakap macam gini!!

Black

2009-11-23T21:00:00.007+08:00

hey spideyyy

the way it is.............

2009-11-14T12:36:00.006+08:00

Good Afternoon Spidey,

Didnt blog for weeks, coz of my cast arm, so type ahh bummer!!

for those who donno, i tell you story okey!!

2 weeks ago, i suffered few minor fractures on the right wrist & extreme extension of thumb, ( dislocate) during game Vs ITE. didnt expected to be this bad.. but TOO BAD!!

So i have been living with one hand. the LEFT! everything the LEFT

On wed gonna be my review, gonna do few test

only 2 outcome :

1st- the minor fractures, closing and healing and hopefully scaphiod bone is all okey.
2nd- minor fracture still not closing, torn ligament or muscle on the thumb. if that happen i have to go Op. which the last thing i want in my Life!!!

arghh.. just hope for the best!

So i can start saving balls and train for IVP!!!!!

i miss this Ngong! seriously dude!

This Team Nyp Floorball Girls

Bronze medalist Polite 2009!

Good jod

finally got to meet this Hot MJ!!

strong as always. she have great time in sch, which is

very good

Acceptance was not easy period

Atas, LiLo and Cookie is my therapist!

hahaahhaha!!

2009-11-01T00:36:00.002+08:00

Frustration

Thats what My Month of October is : Frustration

Keep tolerating all the tooooottt mishap

Im sorry if i show grumpy "RUDE" or nvr layan face, to anyone and offended you.

coz too many things is in my mind.

My health is like zero..

i check my blood pressure.. awesome reading man

145/ 98mmHg (hypertension)

Coffee is my steriod drug

Black

2009-10-27T23:35:00.002+08:00

It is still painful.

I know its Game tradition. Winning and lossing

but this is too painful

2009-10-25T23:11:00.004+08:00

hey spidey

One avenue left for me, just one.

Its either u go in, or you back out.

How much i want to run away and F***K or Screw things up! I cant!

How much i want to sleep peacefully, and ease my exhaustion i cant!

i simply cant shut my brain or my eyes!

i hate this feeling.

~
Almighty!
Safeguard my whole family, my buddies, my friends, my teammates
Safeguard Me! God!

Black

2009-10-23T13:03:00.011+08:00

hey spidey
`

2nd Polite game

3:0 ( nyp)

I did my best i could, even though i was screaming in pain back in my box.

was kinda of studid, saying yes to do the 5870235702835 km Amazing Race,

in the morning. But it was Fun!!

Girls did great for that particular game,

but if we play the same way for other game, we are crushed.

Dooms

Thanks Almighty for the Victory.

The emotional rush are sometimes, insensitive and irrationale

eliminate that out, ask and discover the theory behind emotional rush

the question should be

Why?

putthatinperspective, allshouldbefine

I have to make difficult decision. this whole week,

i have to chose: Friends over Game!

Please, don make me choose.

U guys are my family, Game is my life.

I promise to make up with u guys. Im sorry

To Hot: Please take care, both are getting busy... I love you
Black

2009-10-21T01:56:00.005+08:00

Hey spidey

Team Nyp Floorball

Coming together is a beginning, Keeping together is progress

Working together is success

Score: 9-0 ( Nyp)

I gonna have a super tiring and long day tomorrow.

Half day camp and then 2nd Polite game!

7am till 9pm!!

God give me strength!

the touch was appreciated

Black

neglected

2009-10-15T00:03:00.004+08:00

hey spidey

look thru your life and try to remember a day

where it does not feel that much... doesnt hurt that much.

things you do.. simply just right.. simply the same

its not because of stable life , its trauma

i have passed that day and moment. and im now facing the consequences.

the consequences of me choosing: not to feel

Avoidance, Neglected, Overlooked.

due to that, i jeopardise something thats close to me, too close that i took advantage off

i have to think and put things in perspective.

Sorry Almighty, Thanks Almighty

Black

2009-10-11T12:01:00.005+08:00

hey spidey

Good afternoon!!
At last I have time to sit and blog
I have been rushing places to places, fighting with time these few weeks. and guess what , I need to do that for another 1 month! Money have gone to taxi fares, midnight charges!

arrghh!!
`
Im done with OT and ED posting! OT posting is like testing my endurance living Antarctica. its 16 degree in there!! and you are working 8 hours!double layer of scrub doesnt work.. imagine!! iBut In OR, you can see amazing, interesting things and some awful x10 stuffs,. ED! I think, my future is there! i think so, i hope so! Why ED, first important thing is there are not much PAPER WORK. NO A.P.I.E. second imporantly is i like the pace there FAST, IMIDIATE, CRUCIAL! I think its time for me to step up and not just be the supporting hand. enought of being the supporting hand. kick some ass!!

btw, i bang the resustitation room door twice! on different occasion, after i banged, i have this red patch on my forehead. i always forgot that there is a sliding door behind the curtain! damn it!

i learnt my lesson after that.. i didnt rushing out. i check first! hahaha.. im ngong!

hari raya has end, for me lah. actually my hari raya ended like 2 weeks ago!! haha i only celebrated 1 week. after that i was busy with games, training and attachement. i didnt go visiting! i have neglected Family gathering for weeks.

But tournament coming up..

Today i shall spent time with family!!

Izzie revive.. george in memory

GREYS ANATOMY ! i was that confident that there wasnt any continuation after season 5. coz the ending so tragic! i had ischemic heart after watching. but upcoming season.. it was like AWESOME! ( another phrase of ischemic heart) I shall finish up the 4 episodes, and keep tracking it! ..

Note: Im free for two weeks! so lepak session is back!! anyone?! anywhere!

the eye contact, was it judging? or was it searching?

Black

2009-09-26T00:48:00.004+08:00

hey spidey!!!

Celebration Days!!

Well, hari raya is almost a week ago....

Food is always awesome... ( but must maintain!!)

Green packets, haha, dont dream..

This Raya Topic, this year was about Smoking! Cigarattes!!

Coz all cousins, ( all my cousins are guys) are Smokers, all are civil servants

Police Inspectors, Prison Warden, CD officer

All thanks to old timer smoker Pak Nasir...

they are funny fellows..

Funny qoutes:

Naz : Alhamdulilah, sedap nek masak?

Nenek: Dah makan kau?

Naz: Dah nenek! tambah 3 kali!

Nenek: 3 kali! tak pe makan, nek masak suruh kau makan

Naz: nek dah makan?

Nenek : Dahhhhhh!!

Naz: okey nenek kiter pergi isap rokok?!

Nenek: GILER!!! aku ambik arang dapur kasi kau tahu!!.. ROKOK ROKOK JEE!!

Naz: hahaha, sorry nek.. nanti mintak maaf eh, jgn lupa duit skali!! Bye!!

Naz: Cucu bertuahhh!!

(baba disturb wak, while she watching tv)

Wak: eh kubur mane tu dier pergi?

Baba: tu kan kubur islam! dah tentu2 dier pkai songkok semua..tak kan kubur cina!

Wak: Aku tahu tu kubur islam! Aku maksud SIAPE punye?

Baba: ckp betul betul!

Wak: alah benci ah ckp dgn kau! bising je..

Baba: eh, dier tgk cerita bising.. orang kesian jawabkan.. Salah!

Pang!!! ( wak slap baba!)

Wak: suka sangat kacau aku! kan aku TERsepak.. tak salah eh..

baba: alamak.. dah merajok ahh!!

Wak: ahh bagus, lain kali datang kau duduk bawah.. tak payah naik

hahaahaha

Tomorrow , training timee!!

well alot of families are expected coming for raya tomorrow, but sorry tuan tuan , hamba tak boleh miss training!! coz im gonna miss alot next week due to attachment!!

Po-lite is just around the corner.. this Fat Ass need to focus!!

Read no history, nothing but biography.. for that is life w/o theory

black

2009-09-19T02:39:00.007+08:00

hey spidey

Audi R8 v10

Simply Hot!
See those wide tyres..

Audi Q5 ABT
the Macho Car

Audi TT RS 09

Simply aWesome car!!

Ahhhhhhh!! i just finish doing the

polishing, washing, dusting, painting, ironing, hanging, scrubing, brushing!!

You name it! I have done it today!

I thought i finished my part of the house work last tuesday!!

but at the end, i did ALL the house work!! repeat again ALL!!

Last minute, "i have this, I have that, I cant half day, I wont be back"

So yayayayayayay people!!

So much of having task allocation list pasted on the door!! In the end all crossed with my name with it! the rest all can goyang kaki ah!! Tips people, i dont care

And in few hours im heading to Nenek's place, to do bit of spring cleaning and become nenek's

Sous Chef!! wooohoooo!! ( sambal sotong here i come!!)

If you tell me you want to share more,

My reply is : Iam always here, and i will share thousand more and i will remember till im 100 yrs old...

Black

2009-09-15T21:45:00.014+08:00

hey spidey

long long time nvr update... busy busy busy

tonight i have my co - typist!

Atas!!

she busy " typing" and doing breakdance on the key board.

hahahaa..

last week was a Blast!! Facilitate primary 5 camp... that was superduper fun!! i miss facilitating camps and meeting the kidss.

tell you, the kids were HILARIOUS!!!

they can give such comments.. u able to scold them, but you will turn out laughing..

plus the songs we sang in campp.. that was the best reminisce of my old days in Npcc..

personal accomplishment!! i did 21.2 km walkk!! calf muscle generator!!

i learnt alot more abt people personality that night.

Funny quotes from the kids ( amazing race walk)

Kid 1: Ma'am, Im Hot ahh!!

MiMi : You hot ahh?!

Kid 2: Please loh i think my sister Hotter than you!

Kid 1: Eh bodoh, i was complaining about the weather!

Kid 2: i know you were talking abt the weather, im just saying... my sister is hotter than you

Kid 1: No loh! i think my mother more hotter than your sister!!

MiMi: Oi!!! Okey Okey enough.. you guys no need to compare whose hotter!!

MiMi: You guys ah!! No link one!! ( i laugh until i tear up!)

Well well hari raya in like 4 more days.. the house is like karang guni warehouse!

i finish my share of the house work.. the rest its Agil's!! wooohooo!!

eh wait.. i need to mop the house... that will be sat nightt

last Sat: Break fast at Nenek's place was awesome!! of coz foods were awesome!

My cousins, are MONKEYSS!!! ( love them lots)

And ofcoz : My NeNek Rocks!!!

Well this year raya, feel slightly different from last year,

put aside abt each of us being busy with work and workouts.

this year more meaningful.. not that hectic..

i believe this year, we appreciate and complement each other for any short comings.

Thanks Almighty!

Life is relationship, the rest is just details

Black agree on that!

black

2009-09-06T06:56:00.009+08:00

Morning spidey

Blogger ngong, Ngong Blogger

now cannot upload pictures!( sabar puasa)

I want to put New Audi TT v10 and new Hummer

Hot & Tough!

Cannot upload pic.. ngong again!

I got new gears!! like finally eh Ivan!! Thankss

Training was fun, funny, THIRSTY and THIRSTY hahahah

My new Gf, Wallie, but i still love Mia

Black

2009-09-02T11:55:00.004+08:00

Hey spidey

hello hello!! not been blogging for agessss.. hahah..

fAT aSS has immune break down for almost a week...

I was down with high fever (38.9c) on my last day of exam! Can u believe it! Last paper and im freebird.. soo have to put ego aside and go visit the clinic STATS! i afraid i was given a jap at the butt. but lucky i wasnt given a japp! Announcement: I DONT HAVE BABI FLU ALRIGHT!! IM CLEAN AND HALAL

everybody thought i have H1N1 flu.. please lohh!!

i was given tonnes of pills, like ten years supply.

Anti biotic, Anti pyretic, Anti histamine, lozenges, painkillers, cough syrup.. you name it!

but among all, i only consume anti - biotic (that also need to console the ego)

Now im pretty alright.. only the cough is killing me! but BS is strong

Alot of silly things has happen when im recuperating at home.. MaMa as always the one bring the silly moment around the house.. and how she scared listening to mystery jam 12 alone, She will sardine us at the living room, to be beside her.. then she say " eh bulan puasa mane ade hantu kan" ALLAHH!! MaMa!!! thats my mum!!

This year puasa, my family all walau!! all not committed to buka at home.

1 busy with Work, 1 cant make it on time, 1 busy with gym.. Wahh!! Last year im the only one who not committed buka at home, coz i was busy with polite trainings.. this year turns out that ALL are not committed exxcept for me.. Well Done guys!! well done!!

gtg..

funny quote:

a : awak pernah lap cermin ke?

m: asal macam tak pernah ke?

a: macam tak pernah je?

m: abg macam paham je?!

hahahaha!

to my frens : to some that i rejected lepaking or breakfast with u guys. im sorry alright. SICK!!

we go out soon alrightt!!

Black

2009-08-21T04:37:00.000+08:00

Good morning spidey..
just blogging to test if blogger has settle the html problem, but TOO BAD it is still the SAME!!

Good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge
Happy study people.. Our last examination in NYP

Black

2009-08-16T03:48:00.005+08:00

Hey Spideyyy

Good morning!! its like 3.48am! I do know why Im not in bed!! But i feel like blogging, hahaha
So well well, Friday was my LAST DAY IN SCHOOL, some of you must be thinking WHY?? where is my another semester?? hahaha, Well here is the explaination: After this stupid sem examination, im on CLINICAL ATTACHMENTS and Starting from 7 Dec till Feb 2009, i will start my PRCP. UH!! Understand?? hahah, but i still come back for trainings and gym workout.

Did ALOT of lepak last week, most of night lepak is with this heartbroken girl, Ateeq. Be strong dol! Bullshit to them. Just do your best. And over my dead body that you gonna give up..Don merajok ah dol, buruk!hahaha.. And stop planning of having slow talk with my mum or with bas!! Cant never happen! Ngong!
btw Mama joined tarik-ing session at simpang with my friends! Cool Shit or what?!! At first i thought its gonna be ackwards.. we cant able to say nonsenses stuff, but suprisingly, my mum join in the fun!! another time cool shit or what??! i shall say she need the getaway from her 2nd home, MAS Office! for past 3 months, she has been coming home late, later than me!! for her to come down by herself to Simpang after work is simply awesome, awesome awesome!! coz usually when she got back around 1130, after she solat, she will be in her lalala land.
I love my MaMa!

Another Hot news, Syg graduated from CDC!! Congrates!! Now we just need a car, dont care manual or auto! And we can ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!! wooohhooooo!!! " btw i think baba gonna extend my probation driving with him, coz 2 of my cuz, had accident while driving.. a whole family will assume that will happen to me. So meansssssss i will still have my co -pilot (baba) with me, for some donno how long extended time! tsk tsk tsk" So Syg drive carefully! No revoke! No accident!
We both must be record free!!!

i shall stop blogging ah hit the bed again, sunday routine later and since my 3 gymnast hammies are sleeping, i get to sleep peacefully, before thier gym training starts again. hahaha

To Hot:
Get well soon, real soon!! Eat your meds and no skipping of meal ah deyy..
Take care alrightt :)

seriously Blogger! You guys need to settle this stupid HTML problem!!
( its annoying!)

Black

2009-08-09T15:10:00.003+08:00

Attention For Singapore

8.22pm Stand up for the PLEDGE

Life story

2009-08-08T22:06:00.005+08:00

hey spidey...

Unsual Saturday, for sure!

Why?

I have no training today (boring ++++++)
Im home alone (boring +++++)
I reject going JB with family
I reject going KL with the rest

yayayaya, the rest of the family was planning to go Kl, same 'old national day celebration' i rejected going.. coz my back starts to hurt again, and not looking forward for 'rushing' holidays.. i dont want to be stuck in the car for like blablabla hours journey driving, thru and fro.. KL have those riots blablabla and the stupid jams.. so no thankss!! End up my family didnt go.. hahahaa.. But now they are at JB, Shopping, Lepaking...here i am blogging in Singapore hahah!!! and as usual talking to my hammies..

Exams are just just just around the corner.. i don feel the stress yet!!, if i don feel the stress means im not chiong-ing to study.. I need the STRESS!! but school has been great as usual, With my SOO RUDE FRIENDS AROUND, how can i be bored right??!! hahah Had breakfast with Franny the granny and Elly the Jenab on Friday. And And i now understand, my syg complaining abt gg to Amoy Quee Camp! was great adventure climbing..

lectures are interesting,. EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT. seem fun and challenging, exciting man, i wont be bored!! And stupid attachments schedule have been concluded!, i have 4 weeks break the attachment and 2 weeks break in between Geron posting and PRCP... 4 weeks!! I think God ask me to focus on RAMADAHN and TERAWIH! hahahaha!!

Yesterday, there was a moment which makes me so clueless, in my decisions. i met an old friend. Every memories just flash back. Embarassed! Memories, how rebellious, stupid, and immature i was.. those stupid old days.. Hearing all of my "Gangs" life story since we separated and move on with tertiary life. Their life in Pertapis, searching for people who willing to accomodate them, thier high and low moments. I seriously thank God, for who i am right now.. i manage to succumb myself and not composing more black memories in my life anecdote, compared to old days. Mentally challenged! i sincerely hope and pray that all my buddies, realise the brighter side of life and repent.

Life is not everything about you, not about your frustrations, looks, which family you come from, nor judgements. Life starts with one thing, the love and respect you dedicate to yourself and to the beloved people around you.

I shall find something to do, or should i hit the books?!!

Black

Aware!!

2009-08-05T08:51:00.003+08:00

hey spidey

I woke up very early today!! achievement dude!

lesson at 10.10 AN5, then lab 12-2

Lab is getting boring.. seriously..

EXAM IS COMING!!

One does not make friends, one recognize them

I miss Hot..

Black

2009-08-03T00:40:00.004+08:00

Hey Spideyy...

Read no history,

nothing but Biography...

for that is life without theory

i believe biography is more interesting

Parvin niece.. Reyna Jane

Cutest thing Ever!!

Fadley

i miss this little Monkey @ bedok!!

Too bad ahh.. im stronger than pakcik.

hahahahaa!!

gay buddies..

Black 49

Define it Well

2009-07-31T00:47:00.004+08:00

hey spidey

Has been always a Critical Thinker

Always Planning

Always Reseaching

Always Exploring

Always Evaluating

But afraid of Exercution

Its me, just me

i shall go hugg pretty soon, gg sch at 10!

i love; my family

i love; sayang

I love; my atas, lilo and cookie!!

I love; Audii!!!

Compose Mode!!

2009-07-29T01:44:00.027+08:00

Hey spidey...

Now its all Fix!! Well donee! im not that stress anymore... i can blog like normal.. happpyy

Updates..

This fat Ass has been sick for almost a week.. sore throat, coughing, malaise, sneezing.. signs of H1N1.. hahahaha joking only ahh. im still healthy ahh!! For now im still coughing only..

the Hectic weeks are gone.. gone for good.

im left with one presentation on Socio on thrusday.. and thats marks my last presentation of my entire 3 yrs in NYP!hahahaa...m So far all presentation was solid.. in like 20 more days examination gg to starts then attachments.. wahhhh another cyclee.. i hope i have my good gpa that i have been dreaming abouttt!!

lets put stressful things aside ( later can think abt it)

Did alot of cathing up last week also and monday.. me and francine lepak at Library, at the section Tk 5105.88.. north wing.. What section was it?? Cascading section!! hahahahahhaha

fran, syg and mimi.. slack there and read almost all about HTML and how to modify out blog... plus or dumbness and clueless thoughtss..that was Super Awesome day ever..

i have not been running and gyming for quite sometimes booooooo!!! i need to start backk. Start training for stamina SOON!!

"Anyone wanan watch Fighting with me? Syg? Elly? Ngongs?

coooooooooool

okey i need to rest my eyes.. before i have myopia..

To syg: congratulation on passing BCLS

An last note: I love you HOT!!!!!!

Who is Trish Watson? Singer ahh/?

ARHHHHH!1

2009-07-28T10:16:00.000+08:00

hey spidey

ASSHOLE i stilL cant convert it back. Even after ungrading IE 8 and i download Mozilla..
ANYONE PLEASE HELPP!!!

stupid blogger

2009-07-27T15:12:00.003+08:00

Hey spidey

This stupid blogger or the internet blablablabla shit, dont allow me to blog using
Compose Mode or the wyswyg.
I have to post under HTML, stupid HTML!!! HTML again!!

Now im blogging on Syg lappy.. and its Compose Mode!! i know some of you dont understand, what the hell im talking abt. NVM!!! hahahahaha

black

Its Simple

2009-07-18T19:59:00.004+08:00

Hey spideyy.

Waiting for the rest to get ready for Family Dinner

Where? Simpang!

Yesterday lepak at Simpang, tonight Simpang again!!

Goshh!!

Keep reminding myself that,

the choice i have made, was simply logical

All that i gain,

makes me a mature person

Dreams will always be a dream..

accept MiMi....

Black

It has been You always

2009-07-13T01:49:00.014+08:00

Hello Spidey

Time check: 1.49am

im still doing my An 5 project..

i shall go rest..

MENTALLY EXHAUSTED !!!

one week after sch reopen..

HECTIC!!

i wont playback that one sch week even though some rich sole pays me $1 million

But

i will surely playback the fun i had with the Ngongs, My love and my Friends

Pay me $ 1oo.. F.O.C also cann!!

Pictures uploaded!!

These are the 3 idiots who will make the lab session

Fun. Noisy. Hilariouss

See i Fly kite. When can i do it again?

Bapok Mustafa

This i what we do when we at Mustafa Centre ah 245am

We mess up the place. keep tying shoes, make a lot of noise!!

We shall go there again and play around like we did!!!

My new Hamster?

Name .. Hammie Atas? Atas Hammie? Flash? Steriod?

This hamster is a daredevil man

She also a gymnast!!

See what she doing!!!

To syg, Thanks alot for the Hammie and the time, plastic, unbrella and the send off

Love you....

Okey, this is difff.

This is my inconsistent best Friend.

Sometime we are goo and sometimes we ignore and sleep

So Rude Gemok!!!

Life has been hard,

Difficult choices,

Difficult times,

Difficult faceoff,

can just breakdown

But one think im sure off

having and wanting you wasnt

difficult at all.

Is this phase true, or izit a denial?

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think

- la Bruyere-

Black

First timer

2009-07-05T01:09:00.011+08:00

Hello spidey..

Didnt blog for a few days.. I'm back!!

Well school hoilday extended another one more week, today is my last day to enjoy!

Monday start hitting on the B-o-o-k-!-!

okey shall not think abt that 1st.

i told myself i need to open up! do something new, challenge myself.

lets recap my holiday week.

1st week

Was a depressing one, coz i my damn worried for tp and the stupid incident happened, that just take my whole confidence away. Didnt able to sleep ( not suprising mimi!). the images was like a nightmare

Trainings was my therapy. hahahah..

2nd week

2nd half of the week was P-r-e-f-e-c-t. I finally G-r-a-d-u-a-t-e-d from cdc.

When the P-a-s-s was mention, i was more relieve than being excited that i pass and can drive around.

i never felt so relieve before. So to my friends out there who waiting for tp, trying one more time.. i know how u feel. Be strong!! Force the old Tp uncles to pas you and not to fail you!!

Thanks to all my fren, who prayed! owe u guys big time man ;)

Went to b-a-r-r-a-g-e with ngongs. ( my first time gg there) 5 of us. but i gave 5/5 for that day.

Ama, Mak Minah, Pakcik and Syg

Had a picnic and Green Roof. the i F-l-Y K-i-t-e!!

NUTELLA IS NICE!!

Im gonna learnt to fly kite! There was this kid, i believe he is like 3-4 yrs old, and please he can fly kite and control it well lah deyy! his kite like twice fly twice as mine ahh!! He is just 3-4 yrs old! PAISEY!!

After barrage we lepak at starbucks, for like 4 hours, we talking about CARS! and alittle bit of dosa-talking

3 audi tt drove passed!

You guys Awesome Ngongs!

Had dysfunctional family reunion! we went to k-a-r-a-o-k-e.. believe it not! i went karaoke. didnt sing much.. i was the camera -woman of Sha' D-90 Canon.. that thing was super nice!! i explore it sia.

(buat macam camera sendiri ahh) the girls were so excited singing, dancing jumping..

just like how we were back in Tpss! Awesome

midnight, it just between me and computer.

So i explore alot of stuffs!!

Singapore map, im learning D-i-r-e-c-t-o-r-y ah deyy

i got familarise with F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k . just for few days only,after that no interest

Self- learnt, blog H-t-m-l dude!! and i renovated my blog as u can see,

its always been black and it always be black.. hahaha..

Finish watching prison break season 4.. So SAD! Greys anatomy ending also So SAD!

All ending like that, i bet dont have new season..

and the michael scofield head so cute!!

3rd week

Im mostly at home, tired to go out. need to mentally prepared to come back school. hahah!!

And i watch T-r-a-n-s-f-o-r-m-e-r! woohooo!! the effects and the car was fun to see. ( only the part where audi r8 being sliced, cardiac arrest to 10 secs man!!) abit draggy ah the show. the part where they fight at egypt, that part was soo long.. i fall alseep for like 20 secs.

Was fun watching with soccer bimbos and pakcikk

Tomorrow i have game, Final game for NUSTitans! aganist LMFC

Hope the best tomorrow, and we shall play hard like our previous game with Skools Owl.

We won tomorrow game. we Champ, we lost we 1st runner up.. woohoo both also a great achievement

Well Done NUS Titans!

Next entry, photos up

To you...`

In you, i find my second -self

Black

Demolition

2009-06-30T06:34:00.007+08:00

Good Morning, Angles & Demons!

Time check : 6.34am,

I didnt sleep the whole night, hahaha.. i renovate my blog,

but i learn HTML myself dude!

For the record, Im a computer idiot, zero knowledge abt html

Wanted to gave up at 1st, but then still continuing reading and exploring, different2 web, on how to edit the html and the codings all.. I have been using the classic blogger template. Its Time to change and learn something about HTML!

I learnt colour codings. the measurements, how to attach photo (url), how to use photobucket.

Its confusing! Can suicide sia!! I Thank God im not in IT course!! seriously man!!

theres more to leant, more trail & error to be done!

I shall cont reading and trying editing html

But as for now.. im statisfied for what i have done,

and i need to sleep coz i have meeting at 11 ah dey!!

One word For u

a piece for everyone:

We forfeit three- fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people

- arthur schopenhaur-

Black

Dont forget what we have

2009-06-28T01:11:00.009+08:00

hey spidey

2nd half of the week was.....................

prefectlyawesome,beautifullyfunny

Black

Thanks to everysingle soul: Mama, Baba, Syg, Ngongs, Dysfunctional, Almigthy

Black

Atas Nama- Mu

2009-06-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

Let me pass this through

I have work hard for it, i need you by my side

Almighty

Black

It Does Matter

2009-06-22T23:56:00.005+08:00

Hey spidey,

One week has gone.. gone.. gone..

1st half of the week was depressing.. no good.. sucks big time..

2nd half, was abit better, telling myself i need to think positive, motivate myself... luckily there's still trainings.. Whenever im in the court, i can forget everything thats bothering me in life. and luckily at night i have the two hammies, to play with!!

One more week to go.. i feel scared for those upcoming days.. damn scared.. i never feel so depress... this is WORST then me REPEATING MY AN!!

But this Fat Ass has to Keep Up! no mater what happen, l

ife still goes on, I need to be more careful, don take things seriously ( like damn seriously)
easy to say : this Fat Ass need to C-H-I-L-L

Last Saturday was awesome, dysfunctional family gathering, w/o realising it, we have been together for 8 years, and some of us are more then that.

8 years, and 10 of us never separated. even though all are in their busy life, (most of us are nurses)

but we do have time updating each other.

back in secondary sch days, we are like the most mischievous, devil batch

10 of us from 3 different class. 5n1 5n2 5n3..

We rule block K ... yup the whole block.

We played with fire hose, we wet all classrooms,

we played sliding

we unisex the toilet

staircase and corridors were our hang out place

Bio and Chem lab, is our playground

back gate was our EXIT gate, if we feel bored middle of the lesson

we still produce good result man for the sch
never thought our secondary school friendship can last for so long.
lets make it another 8 more years. if we can survive and be together.. then declare we are
FRIENDS FOR LIFE

School gonna start soon

Happy? .. yup i wont be that bored,

Not happy? i don feel like touching the books just yet..

League gonna end soon,

happy? .. yup so there wont be weekly pressure

Not happy?.. yup means no more games, no more fun

10 years has gone,

we all love you,

you are our british soldier

Happy father's day

Ismail bin Talib

Black.

One Word For You = Missed

2009-06-15T00:12:00.008+08:00

Hey Spidey

Love him like a baby

I will never say Goodbye to you,

I will be there with you, everytime,

even if u dont see my shadows

Black

Get Prepared!

2009-06-12T01:12:00.009+08:00

hello spidey

H1N1 flu is now a world wide pandemic!

Friends please take care of yourself!

Be paranoid! its okey! wash your hands all!

tomorrow declare SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!

No need to worry

tomorrow i have to reach sch at what time?

have i prepare tutorials?

Slippers or Shoe??

hahahahahhahaa!!

i have been holding things up

...until i became ignorant!

Im sorry..

If u make a decision to end the relationship... u are not terminating the relationship.

You are terminating that person, the other party..

So?

Self questioning?

Self evaluation?

Where is your comfort zone?

Random Pics.. i have not been uploading pics for quite sometimes

0721.. IDIOTS!

Unfortunately i have a friend who is sometime HOMELESS!

Sometime she sleep outside the lab!

Next time u see her.. KICK her..

hahahahah.. sorry mm!!

Alright!

This is my bestest HellMate

We stay in Hell together.. but lately we have been busy with earth stuff!!

HLPL SOON MATE!

My wonderful Dysfunctional Family.

i think have not meet some of u for like a YEAR! Every time meet up its my training days!!

Hard luck ahh!!

But we gonna meet soon alright!

I cant wait to meet BOOM!!

this girl has turn BLACK!

And this girl is going for a super long holiday

Come back soon !!

These are my Babies

Cookie on the left

LiLo on the right.

Both are standing on 2 legs and jumping as im typing this entry!

Its their play Time! 1pm!

i shall hugg in pretty soon.. im done doing what im suppose to do :)

End Note:

prepared?

black

Disturbance

2009-06-08T01:01:00.004+08:00

hey spidey!!

End of weekends!! So short!! Nvm sch holiday coming soon.... smile!

Stayed over at granny's place for 2 night... coz uncle went for holiday and granny doesnt feel like going.. accompany my awesome granny!!! Even though i feel sooo restless without my comp and the two hammies which is always beside me every night.. but i think doesnt really matters.. coz i think talking to nenek at night is better then me talking to Cookie and LiLo...

Didnt i mention that nenek is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

What did we do?!

We had dinner together in the kitchen

We had papaya and 100 plus for supper.. ( ya 100 plus.. cool shit right)

I wore her Kain Batik ( traditional cloth) and i seriously donno how to wear.. it keep dropping!! lucky i wore boxer.. hahaha..

We talked about my late grandfather. it has been 10 years ( this coming father's day)

i discovered that Nenek has alot of bestfren coming over her house. there is Nek Yam who always come at 8. ( on the dot 8) And then she and nenek will talk abt what they heard over the radio and share news.. POLITIC DUDE!!

my nenek knows more then me about world news. hahaha..

And she say she like OBAMA!! hahahahah!!

Chat for a while then they go market and start cooking.. and at that point of time what was i doing.. slacking on the sofa!! hahahaha!!

-PRECIOUS TIME-

Dinner and ear piece shopping with hellmate was as always awesome!!

WE did stupid stuffs.

A boy followed us in the wrong toilet.. ( " are we in the wrong toilet")

Talked in some indian-whatsoever accent, until a makcik stared at me.

We saw nice shirt at uniqlo ( what izit called.. COW!)

MANPUKU IS OUR BEST FREN!

Hellmate, u are tattoo of my heart!!

hahaahaaha!!

Saturday training was good.. the girls improving, the bond is getting closer.. WELL DONE

I stayed for guy's training.. goalie warm up and friendly game

i never stayed for guys training, but i dont know why yesterday i did.. maybe knowing that did have much training this week.

Played 1 period for them. then ref for 2 periods! wah not easy to become ref sia.. especially guys team..

Not only i have to ref thier play, their skills, i have to reff their ego, their hot tempered and aggressiveness.. Haiyoo!! but was a great experience..

and i seriously need GLOVES.. shall survey on that and invest on it.!!

Today game.. Titans vs Pinkies!!

a tough game. titans won (1-0)

Congrates!!

Alright, my eyes are sleepy tonight..GOOD SIGN!!

I shall hugg pretty soon!!

every steps of mine, its yours

Black

MiMi Sick-Tired!

2009-06-02T21:42:00.004+08:00

Entry: 115pm.

im at level 5 comp lab.. 1 hour break..nothing to doo.. BLOG!!!
BTW.. i have 3 beautiful girls beside me.. they are excited looking at bras and panties from Victoria's Secrets..
Kecoh!!!

`
" I wish i can wear that at home"
"I wish i can buy that"
" I like that G- string!"
" Wahh, that is super sexy!"
" I will look for that kinda of skirts"
" i wish singapore have VS" " its gonna be expensive"
"U have to think of the postage money!, thats the total US dollars that u have to pay"
(Parvin, Andrea, U-qi conversation!)

`
I know im damn stupid typing these in my blog... Thier Bimboo Comments... but im stuck here with them!! i rather make it a joke out of it and type this entry.. then me joining them looking at hot models wearing bra and panty.. i bet the people in the comp lab will be

LIKE WHAT THE HELL THESE 3GIRLS WACTHING???!!

MiMi is sick, sore throat, swelling lymph nodes, flu, body aches and runny nose!

MiMi never has sore throat, flu or runny nose before!

MiMi is getting old and dying!!

Selamat pagi!

2009-05-29T06:22:00.002+08:00

hey spidey

Its like 625am, have been up since 4am. I have been sitting infront of comp and perspiring like HELL! ( peanut's hell is air-conditioned) hahahaa.. Okey Fat Ass need to buck up. the whole week didnt do any reading or gg thru the books. i have done my tutorials, go thru lectures. Still Pending : Article and 500 words (wlw!) nvm.. on the wayyyy..

And and, lilo and cookie is sleeping.. No Noise!! well done!

And And And,i play around with facebook just now.. not bad ahh..

Wed was TEEEEEEETTT day, 8am lecture, sociology.. bla bla bla bla..
Was really looking forward for Training at 3pm. time to just let myself free, slides, dive, slap, punch and feel the pain... but then upon entering the sports hall, the divider was up, the grand stand was down.. and ALOT ALOT ALOT off red. white Adidas jerseys, Shorts and shoes running around.. My court was decorated with masking tape and couples of chairs.. WHERE'S THE UNIHOC BOARDS! WHERE'S MY GOALPOST??!!
Pease tell me the meaning of Pre- booking? Sch Team? Public? One day off event? integrity?
Okey let it go.. but this is the last time dude.. enough of saying.. "Okey.. its alright"

Urge to the public

Please go GREEN, our global warming is getting worst! Singapore is getting Hotter and Humid! i can sweat like Swine by just walking form MRT to Auditorium! Perspiration just keep dripping.. and starting from next week, any long hour day i will bring extra clothes. and bath in sch! And NO MORE JEANS starting next week. seriously serious!!!

Please go green and dont destroy the ozone layer anymore!!

And 3 more cases of H1N1 in singapore..

All upcoming nurses, get prepared!! For sch holiday or brought forward attachments

Hell's question no.1

What will u tattoo on your heart?

Your Name
Partner's Name
Your Friend/ Partner Mother's Name ( oh mak kau!)
My Name

hahahahahahahaha!!

i think i shall hugg in for awhile before going sch

apakah yang didalam hatimu, yang tidak pernah kau dengarkan ke telinga sesiapa

black

i have tattoo on my heart...

ToMiMi!

2009-05-27T10:53:00.006+08:00

hey spidey!!

Im in sch now, E PLAZA!

Just finish lecture and breakfast, so much off SHS E LEARNING DAY,

i still need to come for Sociology lecture.

Hell!!

Later training :)

btw btw.. i bought the hammies, Ball for them to crawl around the house. i cant afford to let the loose without the ball. They will go Missing, like F1 race!!

last night, my clever father didnt close the the door, when he got home,

LILO ABSCONB!! (with the ball)

And everysingle day, 3am the hammies will make noise.. LiLo will be banging her shelter,

Cookie will play with the water container,

ITS A SIGN!!

ATTENTION! PLAY WITH US!!

so everysingle night at 3am plus, i will sit infront of them

PLAY, TALK

then get back to sleep!!!

i think i wanna buy 2 more...

wooohooo..

what shall i name them??

Summary:

Ama: trying to play facebook, but the connection sucks.... HELL!

Susu: She just logg out from facebook, now reading articles

Jia Min: playing game at facebok

Pei Ying: playing facebook and reading people's profile. STALKER.

i do have a facebook, but but but but but but but but

i dont know how to use.. hahahaa!! i do quizzes only all forwarded by hellmate.

I need HLPL!

I need Teh Tarik gang!!

Deras hatiku berdetak

Di langit aku terlihat kamu

Terang malam teman kita

Dengan angin meniup sayu

Kupetik gitar akustik ini

Dengan harapan dia mendengar

Melodi indah yang kucipta

Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

Dan aku terus

Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu

Walau berjuta mendengar

Lagu ini hanya untukmu

Arah hidup kita

Tergambar bintang di angkasa

Berkelip melukis cinta

Terciptalah lagu kita

Oh..oh..oh

Oh..oh..oooh

Melodi indah yang kucipta

Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

Dan aku terus

Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu

Walau berjuta mendengar

Lagu ini hanya untukmu
Arah hidup kita

Tergambar bintang di angkasa

Berkelip melukis cinta

Terciptalah lagu kita
Terciptalah lagu kita

ms. Black

Anxiety Problem??!!

2009-05-25T23:52:00.007+08:00

Hey Spideyy..

Didnt blog for quite some time.. coz this FAT ASS is unwell!!

Fat Ass is having SOB and chest tightness since thursday night.

Went to this BLOODY TOOOOT GP, coz raffles GP closed! WTH..

This bloody doc, didnt look at me when i came in.. u don even look at your patient how to diagnose?? tell me?? from the voice izit!!!

Doc: Why are u here?

MiMi : i have chest tightness and difficult for me to breath even at night.

Doc: 1st time having it?

MiMi: Nope, second time, but this is worst!

Doc: are in any stress? pressure? school?

MiMi: Never! sch as pernormal

Doc: enough sleep?

MiMi: max i can only sleep is 4 hours.. always like that

Doc: Stared at me, i take ur bp ( 120/64)

Doc: i check ur chest ( check lung sound all)

.. are u a swimmer??

MiMi: Yes, but not these few months,

( i tot there something wrong with the chest expansion or lung sound, coz swimming is good for ppl with asthma, small lung expansion)

Doc: Ohh.. thats why u have very broad shoulder!!

MiMi: errrmmm ya.. ( WTF IN MY HEAD!!)

Doc: i dont see any problem with u, maybe u just stress.

MiMi: What?? ( im so annoyed. i was what ever lah doc!!)

im too weak to even like scold at him)

PRESCRIPTION: ANTI ANXIETY & BETA BLOCKER!

ANTI ANXIETY!!!!

i have no words for this doc

I cant be anxious from thursday night till sunday right???

i think is just muscle strain, toooooo tireed i think...

typing this .. make my chest more painful.. arggg..

better not continue.

i seriously think i watched to much PEANUT!

i watched like 9034750375073-5-39 times!!

I know this is super long video.. but PEANUT!

you won stop laughing and u wont get bored watching him!!!

Im talking like him,

act like him

OBSESSED WITH HIS HELL JOKES!

Drive from valley? : Is bad as HELL

Traffic: Suck like HELL

Driver?: Angry as HELL

Parking Here? : Sucks like HELL

So? WE ARE IN HELL!!

AND THESE ARE OUR HELLMATES!

SA NA TA AA NAH!! HELL

and how can i have anxiety if im watching peanut!

WTH DOC!!

These few weeks have been hanging out with sloth...my bestest hellmate!

Hell jokes will just make our day

menu in HELL is

HLPL

( anybody can guess what is HLPL, i will give u a kiss..

welcome to PEANUT's HELL)

i shall stop watching peanut for awhile until this SOB relieve.. if not i will die laughing!!

Today was just awesome..

damn hilarious

my chest almost burst..

simply awesome.. :)

i think syg will know why!

Beltzak:

i love lilo

i love cookie

The Ellen DeGeneres Show playing the sumo game

2009-05-16T03:36:00.001+08:00

I LAUGH till i CRY!! It is so FUNNY and FUN!!
Ellen Degeneres!
My best Friend!!!

4am

2009-05-15T04:01:00.006+08:00

Morning!!

Four Am

I walked around my good intentions

And found that there were none

I blame my father for the wasted years

We hardly talked

I never thought I would forget this hate

Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

If I don't make it

Know that I've loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded And

I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

I walked around my room not thinking

Just sinking in this box I blame myself for being too much

Like somebody else

I never thought I would just bend this way

Then a phone call made me realize

I'm wrong

If I don't make it

Know that I've loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

If I don't make it

Know that I've loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God

I figure out what's wrong

And If I don't make it Know that I've loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God I figure out
~

im still not sleeping..

because

Coffee and afternoon nap just now

hectic week coming up, with project, presentation, assessment, game

Atleast all are planned out.. so i wont be BORED!

Journey to the window

How many stops u make

i will be waiting patiently there

with a smile

Watching Angels and demon later with my Bimbo Sloth!

Beltzak says:

No more milk :(

If only i can...

2009-05-10T01:19:00.002+08:00

Hey spidey

well well well

A friend asked me, last night " You look so happy, relax, no problem, no worries"
Hahaha, i can only give her a SMILE as my reply. That smile means thousand things. Thats is what i have been doing.. something unexpected coming, something ugly.. just smile...

Alot of serious things happen day by day. Alot of odd questions being asked lately, i tot its over.. now is not that ODD already..I think i just need to be prepared and be truthful to myself. But im my really truthful?? Or izit just becoz i know whats the outcome off it. This sentence is always in my mind "Do i understand myself"
I think i lied to myself someway or another. Only i know it and maybe someone out there too, and maybe im not acknowledging it. i have done everything, to make it simple and cool.. but you make it complicated but beautiful.. : CONFUSE? hahahahaha.. Not to me
It not easy to live in a world, if some normal social norms is being opposed..Arrrggg.
But i love the way i am.. but im not saying that i do not need to change.. i need.... Let time decidee..

theres once a good fren said this
" if u are ready and strong to crossover"
That crossover has a deep meaning..

Means u are opening upp, but... indirectly, u are closing some avenue,

coz not everybody likes or agree to live in that avenue.

Baba, has been acting weird lately, more serious.. he gave us the adult talking last week. Every single word is in my mine every minute... It seems like he is ready for anything and everything to come in his life. he talked to us form a -z. From being a basic human being living in this world till being a basic man leaving this word

Well, im not ready baba! Your words someway or another hurts me inside.. It seems like u don understand us! But i think u wanna us to realise what the HELL is LIFE?!

I ask you, will u be ready to answer somebody is he ask

" are u ready to put me 6 feees under the ground"

OKEY THATS HOW SERIOUS MY LIFE IS!

But im still smilling and laughing... coz i know no one here can change the God's FATE, even though u don understand, what u feel deeply inside towards somebody, or u are not satisfied abt your life.. You cant change the fate.. cos its stated clearly..

But what u can do is pray, that you will

find answer, and overcome things

Bletzak

#I miss that Moment#

2009-05-07T23:53:00.005+08:00

hey spideyy

week 3 is F****** Awesome!

So many gay, funny, lovely, ngong things happened!!

Out with my classic Minah

tuesday was totally random but beautiful day out.. Teman abg shopping, and our minah classic wanted to tag along! " i dont want ahh, to disturb u two dating" ZONGGGGGG!! me and abg!!??? WE GAY BUDDIES!! C'mon we welcome anybodyy who wanna join us!

So we went MaRina, then Dinner then to Suntec!

The funny moment was out sharing times, as we shopp arnd

Classic Minah is like reading ppl from the shoe people wear.. cool shit ahh!!

Me and Gay buddy always read whoever we tot are gays ahh but then we kena PINCH and kena pull ear by minah classic...

she thinks we really bad.. looking down at themm..

we are not ahh!! we just wanna confirm if our judgement are rightt.!!

Two words for my Classic Minah

Funny Shit!!

Talking to Halal Day

Ngong dayy.. make new fren while waiting to donate blood!! her name is MOMO!! haahahaha!! seriously!, but tham different kinda of spelling ahh.. ahahahaha me and shane irritates and convince her to let as go first.. even though we are the 24972-04-23908-2 ppl.. the POWER OF THE PRIORITY STICKER AND OUR IRRITATING ACTIONS! HAHAHA..

She super cannot tahan ahh.. Wat to doo??!! i have training to rush for,, and the q is damn bloody long ahh!!

me and syg was talking to halal the whole dayy.. i think i miss him ahh! he keroh eyes!! sooo cutee!

I wish HALAL CAN TALK!!

ppl in bus 969 will think we both are some idiots.. talking to a blue doll, with keroh eyes!

HIS NAME IS HALAL!!

He is special!!

He is now with his mummy.. sleeping over..

Then PASTAMANIA for dinner.. 4 of us eating..

halal is allergic to italian fooodd so he didnt eat ( like real only ahah)

SPICY CHICKEN PLEASE!!

Abg bought fan for himself.. A LONG TERM INVESTMENT!

Atlast i saw my BIG MAMA in sch!! miss her man!!

Soyah molested my teeeeett againn!! traumatize!!

To my Hot syg: doing undercover was great wooohooo!!

Love u alwayss Hot!!:)

Blackspider is tired!!

i will cont next dayy

#MakKau!!

2009-05-07T23:32:00.003+08:00

This is for my bestes friend

BIMBOO SLOTH

we are poking her blister on her palm!!

just a BLISTER!

Sloth : I dont want to see! If it hurts, i will scream out loud!!

MiMi: You Feel anything??

Sloth: You want me to poke it??

Sloth: OHHH!! Thats All??

Shane: YAA!!!

hahahaahaahahaha!!

Sloth: I was waiting for something painful!!

Shane: Nay.. press yourself!!

Sloth: "Press yourself, what kinda of nurse is thiss"!... Not Funnyy!!

Shane: DONE! LOUSYY!

#Abg2Birthday#

2009-05-03T11:45:00.010+08:00

hey spideyy

3rd of May

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

e 17yrs and 21yrs old

Syed Agil bin Dahari Kamal

3rd of May 1992

Retarded siblings!

exclusive Picture of him!!

Minah Macho Man!!

( he gg to kill me)

Shane Edward Tam

a.k.a Sharillina,

a.k.a Hady Mopok

a.k.a Siti Samman Sammon

3rd may 1988

Gay Buddy

Holly Sterile!

(Halal so cute)

They both have the same birthday!

Thank God they don have the same characterr!

( hahahah, kidding ahh)

Beltzak is very tired

Beltzak have to Fly!

Betlzak Say

i wont ask for any other family..other than MINE! ( plus cookie and lilo)

#SimplyAwesome#

2009-05-01T14:00:00.006+08:00

hey spideyy
edited

Im in GREEN!!

Buddies!!

As u can see we are trying to smile.. we forgot that we are wearing MASK!!

Dumb dumb dumb!!

wooooohooooo!!

Infer yourselff...

Dikir Barat Grp..

We sing MINAH SONG!!

Another Buddy Moment!!

Im being the manly one

Shane being the feminine one

m.minah, man liao, handsome,classic

0721..

a bunch of retarded nurses.. but the best one!!

week 2 of sch.. was splendid, amazing, SUPERB!! ( all means the same. lalalal)

Monday, ngongs have lunch @ BREEKS. Syg join also :)

Food was fabulous and my Banana Blended Mocha was F******Awesome!!!

Had a great time sharing and nonsensing around! then to suntec city.then to tampines 1. we all plan to live together and share home equipment together.. ngong or whatt??

Tuesday, another wonderful start in the morning. reach sch at 7am! yes bloody 7am.

did some role play and script. The Role Play was so funny!! my classmates all can act sia!!

my name is SITI SAMMAN BIN SAMMON. BIN lah deyy.. confuse ohh whatt??!!

hahaahhahaha!!

for the record Rabia and Yatassha... my new most minah frens!

Wednesday, morning was abit awkward..

i was sleeping in the bus,otw to sch.. so when i stretch my shoulders all,

getting prepared to get down. suddenly the girl who sat beside me tun and say

"Hi!!" and she gave me her biggest smile!!!!

WALAU!!!! wats wrong with u siaa???!!! Do i know u???

but i was confident i donno that girl??!! seriously!! SCARYY SIA!!

Syg went sch.. suppose to have lesson. the KEY word is SUPPOSE. smile.

but the holy mother of medicine is too busyy.. hahahaha!! " i was about to call u guys" ya rightt!!

So kesian they all! but its okey we had fun makan and nonsense!!

Thursday, sch was short.. really short! so went to town to buy book at Borders then to adidas. smile. Sarah bought new shoe.. woooohooo.. the power of 3 lines!! NICE SHOE!!

Went to Bugis to meet another bunch of lovely ppl..

Parvin, Soyah, Azlin, Sue, Sue's Sister, Andrea, Yuan alll

in simplest term, i call them the HORNY MOLESTER GANG!!

Seriously dude.. i was " molested" 3 days in the row. Even in public!! Ohh godd!! TRAUMATIZE

culprit are 1.Sue 2.Azlin 3.Parvin4. Soyahh!!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr

So who ever walk or talk to any of those ppl.

i REMIND you to be cover you "B" & "V"

Luckily they lovely ppl, if not i give them combo slap meal!!

beltzak say:

Be backk!!

#Seen&Unseen#

2009-04-25T01:58:00.011+08:00

hey spideyy....

These few weeks has been uptight, amazing, exhausting, confusing,a nnoying blablablabla......

and now, school has started, NO MORE HOLIDAY!! club crawl just ended. All went as planned..Now i need to focus on studyingg. i skipped almost all the lectures last weekk.. 1st week attendance SUCKS..

2 words WELL DONE...

Night Class
I listened to you cry almost everynight, and for months seeing the tears flow down. Tears of fear. Tears of weakness and sensitive heart.. That was your lowest moment.. as for me.. simply.. i was crushed.. There is still scar, but u were someplace special in my heart, that no one can ever invade. So no matter how deep or big the scar is.. there still love for you. What ever happen within last few years or months we had.. its was a test.. A test for you to realise how much advantage u have taken in Life, A test for me to realise what world we are living in, and how behaviour can kill the that somebody deep inside.

What life means to both individual?

To me, it means u are my princess, a sensitive and most sincere princess. i wont let you go, i wont let us go.. thats for sure. The Phobia that got into you, it keep playing in your head and subconciously.. isolate yourself and eventually.. your self esteem is zero..theres once u made a decision, you thought thats the best for us, but that was like a bomb, drop without any warning. Ending it, will ease the stress u had and the crying every night, but then ending it, will just tear my heart off, and bleed forever. I hold on you tight inside.

I cant do much then just call you up and be there everynight listening to you.. how tired i was that day, im still opening my heart and mind listening to you. Its like night class.. the topic is

" The life that we are never ready for"

To be honest, Ur tears makes this fat ass. woke up everyday, telling herself that there something need to be done. Something that i have to analyse thru and be patience abt..challenging myself... i sucked it in as much as i could everysingle night.. we talked openly.. i pledge myself that i wouldnt talk to anyone. eventhough my tears wasnt visible like yours, i was sobbing inside.. Ya you can say my ego were skyhigh. it is! i shut all those ears and hearts who wanna listen and help.. but this is valuble to me.. sorry...

This is my pride... And im egoistic over it

Last night, the tears was ultimate.. it doesnt mean tears of fear,nor sensitive.. but those tears were accompanied with a smile in the eyes.. the tears that make me confirm that u are starting to gain urself.. Your self worth.You start a new life and beliefs. The heartwarming words that you uttered, just making things more beautiful. For a second, my ears were shut, but my eyes were just staring at the happiness bubble that coming out off your mouth and soul.

The months of emotional suffering, is starting to end,

A lesson learnt in a brutal way, that make me who i am right now. a person who afraid to widen the circle. A person who action hero sometimes, a person who learnt that she has to be strong and be self less. A person who will go to the core, coz she doesnt like gossips, a person who will shut on people, if respect and love is not being shared to the others. A person who leant thru commands, and wat the eyes are talking

Coz i don want to endure the emotional suffering in the future, and nevertheless i don want people around me to experinence the same way as you. its just ugly and painful.

And no one deserve to be in that state

2 valuble things that i learnt from this night class

Sincerity.

you have this, u kill the devil inside you. u kill ur own ego,

Acceptance

You have this, you are the most honest man on earth, who knows that life is never prefect.

Now some of u will know why, im OWL and love sleeping late.

the silence and the darkness makes u think, make u see.. what u cant during the day.

Is between the angel and devil in your head

Is just you and your soul

( and some ppl at msn, who also doesnt want to sleep)

Theres once a hush man, said this pharse

Before somebody shut on you with their silence

-Dahari kamal-

beltzak says:

People (Truly) around you are your inner strength.. don believe??

try not meeting, talking, hearing from them for months.

then get back to me..

they are (truly) my strength

Beltzak

#WhatWorth2#

2009-04-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

hey spideyy

If you judge people,

You have no time to love them

~
~
~

1.Eh asal kau pakai long pants?
Selalu pakai seluar pendek? Ade ape?
2. Eh Asal black pants? tak pernah pakai black pants!
What a question early in the morning?!
~
~
~

Beltzak say:

I shall not waer pants tomorrow! hahaha!!

please ahh i wont do that!

Beltzak

#WhatsWorth?#

2009-04-21T00:18:00.001+08:00

Smile

I will smile seeing you, eventhough im worried

I will smile seeing you, eventhough im doubtful

I will smile seeing you, eventhough im in pain

I will smie seeing u, eventhough im falling a sleep

U smile, eventhough u are tensed

U smile, eventhough u are troubled

U smile, eventhough u are down

Thats worth it!

beltzak say:

Black in my colour..

beltzak

#ClearTheLines&GiveMeASmile#

2009-04-18T02:02:00.005+08:00

hey spideyyy

Pictures upp!!

SENTOSA

She my TEDDY BEAR!!

Playing Captain's ball

Strategies!!

All are pairing up? ( okey u tackle Soyah, okey i blocked Anuar!!)

hahaha!

Andrea's back was like ROASTED HUMAN!!!

My brother' rugby match!

St Andrews Div B Police Rugby Finals

Junyuan vs Pioneer

Last 5 minutes. junyuan was leading 71-0

Ready guyss?!!!

Line Up!

Look up!

Run Up!!

At the end of the game..

Handshake!!

Junyuan WON CHAMPION!!!

Touch the trophy!!

(berkat!)

Visit Feeza at her house

Blur is Feeza, has leg injury , ACL

Kesiann..

Grey is my teddy bear!!

was a blast meeting feeza,

me and soyah was the chef of the house..

WE fry chicken, hotdog, fry noodel and make bandung!!

then

Bon apetit

i took one step closer,

a step which is big,

a step i gain everything

or a step i lose nothing

What ever it is, i took it.

its clear

its honest

its a done deal

Tonnes more things will come up

Tonnes more things will be check up

i took that step

Now its gone and spack

and i lose nothing

Beltzak says

thank you.. to youu.

Beltzak

#Genuinely#

2009-04-17T02:03:00.004+08:00

hey hey hey spidey.

Problem

exists when an individual becomes aware of a significant difference between what actually is and what is desired.

Desire

is a sense of longing for a person or object or hoping for an outcome. The same sense is expressed by emotions such as "craving" or "hankering".

When a person desires something or someone, their sense of longing is excited by the enjoyment or the thought of the item or person, and they want to take actions to obtain their goal

Problem solving

forms part of thinking.

Considered the most complex of all intellectual functions, problem solving has been defined as higher-order cognitive process that requires the modulation and control of more routine or fundamental skills.

It occurs if an organism or an artifical intellectual system does not know how to proceed from a given state to a desired goal state

Problem solving is of crucial importance in engineering when products or processes fail, so corrective action can be taken to prevent further failures

Distraction

is the diversion of attention of an individual or group from the chosen object of attention onto the source of distraction.

Distraction is caused by one of the following: lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; greater interest in something other than the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of something other than the object of attention.

Distractions come from both external sources (physical stimuli through the five senses), or internal sources (thoughts, emotions, Fanstasy , physical urges)

One word: Patience

Beltzak says:

Back to the same.. i guess

Beltzak

#MyInnerSelfIsTalking#

2009-04-16T00:41:00.009+08:00

Hey spideyy

Monday
Long John Silver+ Tampines 1 ( Times)+ Mrt Game + National Library= A.W.E.S.O.M.E
Was fun gg out with Sloth and Khairun.. We read almost all the magazine at TIMES.
I read abt AJ and CARS!! Mrt Game was damn boring at 1st.. but then it turns out to be fun. fun fun.
" Find a box, it looks like a box , but its not a box" :" What the hell it is?""
" Find Uni? : University???"
" Find Bird, " inside or outside": " No coming in!"
" Find horse!" :" Ya at someone's Butt" " Pervert!!"
" Find RedLine"
Cool shit this game. ANd alot of ppl in the MRT , in thier hearts, i know they wanna slapp pur face.. cos we keep staring and looking top ->-> bottom at the ppl around uss.. ahhahaa
National Library. We read magazine and books, -> sports injuries, FOOD! DESSERT! and cats! and muscles!
Tiramisu new name Tsunami!

One Word : AWESOME

Tuesday

Went to sch, for gym and run with Sloth, Gym was cool, has been long i last train at gymm..

Run was Cool!! shall do more.. :) and i will ask sloth to run with me.. Must train for amazing race!

ME and Sloth planning to go for amazing race Asia... hahaha .. cool We planned out our job readyy.

MiMi

do all the eating challenger (weird foods)
Long runs
Drive manual car
Don ever hold valuables

Elly

Bungee jumping
Do maps and directions
translation
Drive auto. when no police there.

one word: Interesting!

Wednesday

Went sentosa, with parvin, soyah, azlin andrea and anothe fren( i donno hoe to spell, her name, sorry), brinz, Khai, Anuar, Taufiq and his gf. We had lunch at vivo then we proceed to SENTOSA!! we played dog and bone!! rough one ahh. i was damn shockked.. i wouldnt call it DOG AND BONE! i will call it ROYAL RUMBLE!! We threw each other to the ground. tossing ppl!! pushing!! grabbing!! locking!! dragging!! LITERALLY like WRESTLING!!Especially when Parvin call all the numbers. we dont care who we step on, as long we win the bone.. My grp WON!! hahah!! ( Khai, taufiq gf, brinz ,andrea & me) GOOD TEAMWORK GUYS!!

We played some card game ( RAGAM) and " i never or i ever" game!! so Cool.. but scarry ah. then Captains ball! then me and Soyah jump into the water.. while the rest fill their hungry stomach.. Interesting conversation with Soyah We spent almost like 1 hour plus talking in the waterr.. SHE my TEDDY BEAR. Thanks Soyah! Open up your Circle girl!

Rushed back For training, 2nd last training before league starts. OMG!! this is my 1st league.. scarry like HELL!! good training though.. good to see the team working hard. but i was damn tiredd.. but i did my BEST!! most important thing!! ahahaha.

Two Words : WEll DONE ;)

the more i listen, the more i doubt myself and -.

the more im thinking abt it.

the more i tell myself to be distracted.

But do i want to be distracted?

paranoid?

Over analyse?

Bias?

Dreaming?

One sided?

Too close?

Its complicated!

But what i know is.. im waiting..

Genuinely

One Word : DUMBASS!

Beltzak Says

You find U.. come back to me... ( seriously)

Thanks Soyah, and Dearest SLoth

Beltzak

#WhatDoesItMean#

2009-04-11T02:44:00.008+08:00

hey Spideyy

These few days have been hectic.. mentally and physically exhausted!! ( MENTALLY)

i shall not explain.. too tired ahh..

yesterday i had movie marathon!

i watched

Marley and Me (So cute!)

Confession Of a Shopaholic ( abit nonsense!)

Brides war (typical!)

12 rounds ( awesome!)

Tomorrow exciting day!!

Meet Fb girls in the morning and training.. Im meeting Bro again!! We just met last Wed at Nyp while watching soccer.. Shared alot of things.. but not quite enough i think! hahhaha!! Btw thanks alot Bro, really appreaciate it.Fran has alot to update me... Excited about tomorrow!

Afternoon i have to rush to NUS for game aganist pinkies.. wooohooo.. So whole day will be floorball!!

And i have left chachat leg and chachat palms.. hahaha!!! ( do i look as if i care?!... maybe just a little)

AJ alert!!

HOT???

W.I.L BS
its not the way i put on my lips

its all lies

it reflected the opposite way in my heart

its all lies

Too weak and confuse to handle the truth?

thats when i put things in between the line.

Do i want this?

Beltzak says

Mind- Self Realisation- Self Modification

Thanks to My dearest Sloth!

Beltzak

#Unaware#

2009-04-04T01:42:00.012+08:00

hey spideyzz

Welcome back!!!
Wonderful thingshappened lately.... 3rd week of vacation

30032009
Went out with Parvin, Soyah, Azlin and Anuar. Lunch at TONG SENG!! spell it again TONG SENG!!
Interesting outing, i shall say!! Share alot of interesting stuff and their gossipss.. omg!! tak boleh angkat...
played poker like nobody business, laugh like no tomorrow!! That day interesting questions was asked, made my heart stop for a sec. and it kept me thinking abt it. but what the hack... i don believe it. hahahhha...

31032009
happy face received in the morning.. its a P.A.S.S.E.D
Went to sch, to clear the locker... i found out alot of stuff which is not mine in MY locker,, weird??!! it was RAVYNA's!! hahaha.. Watched Soccer Game too, due to temporary organ malfunction of my bestest fren SLOTH, we reached school damn earlyy.. SLOTH read the time wrongly.. hahaha!!! but it was alright..
i jogged around the campus, whicle the game was on, Nice to jog ... shall do it again. soooooonnn. Sloth u shld try it!!

01042009 (aprilfoolday)
CC briefing in the afternoon with Sloth and Rai, and then Friendly with LMFC..Sloth came along to watchh.. Awesome to see PRO players in the court, Interesting to see and play with them in the court. To be honest i can knock out in the court that night.. was damn tiring and painful.. hahaha.. between a month i had, a Black eye for almost 3 days ( got shot at the eye) Severe Muslce Pull at the hip, UpperBody bruises & Swollen index Finger... sound painful right... but i can say its worth it.. No Injuries?its either u are playing really safe or you are not playing at all.. ahhaha.. teh Tarik after game.. was awesome....

NO PAIN NO GAIN dude

SHIT BDAY!!!

All in all.. my vacation wasnt that boring.. did cool stuff...
More outing please.. more sports please..
I cnt wait for BBQ!!

For the record.. both Sloth and Me cannot spend more than 24 hours together!! We will be very violent and harsh towards each other!! hahaahaha

PICtures uploaded!!!

Legend Water Chalet

Nice....

Light travel in a straight line

Nice reflection!!

Which direction?

ours in ARCTIC!!

Why is he so AMAZE??

water beneath us?

From our room! COOL!!

What the hell im i Pulling???!

Wanna see??

Cont below!!

CAN u believe it?

imagine there is airplane or Jet doing practices above!

FREE SHOW???

Action can drive ahh??!!

Beach Time DUDE!!

the actual pic was to show thousands of baby crab

Spastic face!!

She holding a live crab!!! hahaha!!

thats my crab...cool ahh?

Challenge time!!!!!

guess who win??

of coz ME ahh

See how HAPPY HALAL is!!!!

breaksfast!!

i don care about lunch or dinner.. BREAKFAST IS THE BEST!!!

halal is eating MilK and coco crunch!! cool right!!!

My fav pic!!

Sun set!

im gone for now.. update more pic alright!!

its already 320am

W.I.L BS

Its powerful

Its protected

Its that someone :)

End Word

Ur Smile Ur Smell

Challenge!! counting the days

Beltzak

#TellMeWhatIsIt#

2009-03-31T03:00:00.007+08:00

B .O .T .H .E .R .E .D .

B .U .L .L .S .H .I .T .

SHUT IT.. AND LET ME SLEEP